Friday, 13 April 2012

Things They Say

I’ve been somewhat absent from the world of blogging for the last few months.  I’ve been swaddled in the wonderful world of a new baby.   My cuddly little bundle is doing great and routine is settling back in nicely with a bit more sleep too.

One thing this time has reminded me of is that my kids are absolutely hilarious.

I cannot count how many times I’ve said to myself I should write down their little nuggets of wisdom, mispronunciations or a misinterpretation of something they’ve heard.

Here’s a selection of some of the more recent favourites in our household and if you’ve got any please send them to me.  It would make my day.

What Daughter Says – “Could I have ornage and lemon please?”

What she means – “Could I have orange and melon please?”

Son – “Mummy, why are faces always in their nude?”

Me – “because they couldn't breathe if you covered them up.”

Son – “Mummy, you so silly, it's freezin on faces.”

Daughter’s favourite number – “Vin Vin In Knee”

What she means – “Infinity.”

Son – “Where's the fuckin troll gun”

Me – “I beg your pardon?”

Son – “Where's the fuckin troll gun please”

Me – “We don't use bad language in this house” (blushing furiously)

Son – “Where's the fuckin troll gun, I play Thomas the Tank”

- pause -

Me – “Do you mean the Fat Controller?”

Son – “Yeah, whas you tink I sayin?”

What daughter says – “Mokoma Key Troll”

What she means – “Remote Control”

Daughter – “Why are you always pregnant?”

Me – “I'm not always pregnant; I’ve done it three times”

Daughter – “Why does Daddy never do it?”

Me – “because he's a man and only women can be pregnant”

Daughter – “is it because he doesn't get labour trains?”

What son says – “Min Mih Mid Aisle”

What son means – “Finn McMissile” (you need to have seen Cars 2 for this one).

Daughter – “Do you mind that I know everything and you know nothing?

What daughter says – “Chicken”

What daughter means – “Kitchen”

What son lisped to his big sister during silence after she had been in trouble

– “you’re attitude shucks lemons.”

Then after a pause

-         “Or melons.”

What daughter says – “This is the worst day of my life ever!”

What daughter means – I asked her to brush her teeth and or hair.

Daughter – “Mummy, does Daddy think you're really sexily?”

Me - mute (due to embarrassment of being in queue at supermarket).

What son says - “El fell ent.”

What daughter says – “Effluent.”

What they both mean – “Elephant.”

What son says while taking a sanitary towel from my handbag in a cafe -

“Here's your special nappy Mummy.”

What son says – “I seed you kissing my Daddy on he’s wips with you wips.”

What son means – He saw me kissing his Dad on the lips.

Son looking at his aunt’s wedding cake – “Can we put a candle on it?”

What daughter asks for - paintball ale.

What daughter wants - pinhead oatmeal.

Son, after spending hours taking out and dismantling every toy in his room –

“I sick and tired of the mess of this house!”

Daughter – Why are cars?

What son announced very loudly when finished in the public bathroom at his aunts wedding –

“I’m putting my snake in my cage and fushin.”

What he means – he’s pulling his underpants up and flushing the loo.

These are literally just a few, I’m sure I’ve forgotten more gems than I remember.  I'm looking forward to number three enriching our lives with some in the next few years.

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