I’ve been somewhat absent from the world of blogging for the last few months. I’ve been swaddled in the wonderful world of a new baby. My cuddly little bundle is doing great and routine is settling back in nicely with a bit more sleep too.
One thing this time has reminded me of is that my kids are absolutely hilarious.
I cannot count how many times I’ve said to myself I should write down their little nuggets of wisdom, mispronunciations or a misinterpretation of something they’ve heard.
Here’s a selection of some of the more recent favourites in our household and if you’ve got any please send them to me. It would make my day.
What Daughter Says – “Could I have ornage and lemon please?”
What she means – “Could I have orange and melon please?”
Son – “Mummy, why are faces always in their nude?”
Me – “because they couldn't breathe if you covered them up.”
Son – “Mummy, you so silly, it's freezin on faces.”
Daughter’s favourite number – “Vin Vin In Knee”
What she means – “Infinity.”
Son – “Where's the fuckin troll gun”
Me – “I beg your pardon?”
Son – “Where's the fuckin troll gun please”
Me – “We don't use bad language in this house” (blushing furiously)
Son – “Where's the fuckin troll gun, I play Thomas the Tank”
- pause -
Me – “Do you mean the Fat Controller?”
Son – “Yeah, whas you tink I sayin?”
What daughter says – “Mokoma Key Troll”
What she means – “Remote Control”
Daughter – “Why are you always pregnant?”
Me – “I'm not always pregnant; I’ve done it three times”
Daughter – “Why does Daddy never do it?”
Me – “because he's a man and only women can be pregnant”
Daughter – “is it because he doesn't get labour trains?”
What son says – “Min Mih Mid Aisle”
What son means – “Finn McMissile” (you need to have seen Cars 2 for this one).
Daughter – “Do you mind that I know everything and you know nothing?
What daughter says – “Chicken”
What daughter means – “Kitchen”
What son lisped to his big sister during silence after she had been in trouble
– “you’re attitude shucks lemons.”
Then after a pause
- “Or melons.”
What daughter says – “This is the worst day of my life ever!”
What daughter means – I asked her to brush her teeth and or hair.
Daughter – “Mummy, does Daddy think you're really sexily?”
Me - mute (due to embarrassment of being in queue at supermarket).
What son says - “El fell ent.”
What daughter says – “Effluent.”
What they both mean – “Elephant.”
What son says while taking a sanitary towel from my handbag in a cafe -
“Here's your special nappy Mummy.”
What son says – “I seed you kissing my Daddy on he’s wips with you wips.”
What son means – He saw me kissing his Dad on the lips.
Son looking at his aunt’s wedding cake – “Can we put a candle on it?”
What daughter asks for - paintball ale.
What daughter wants - pinhead oatmeal.
Son, after spending hours taking out and dismantling every toy in his room –
“I sick and tired of the mess of this house!”
Daughter – Why are cars?
What son announced very loudly when finished in the public bathroom at his aunts wedding –
“I’m putting my snake in my cage and fushin.”
What he means – he’s pulling his underpants up and flushing the loo.
These are literally just a few, I’m sure I’ve forgotten more gems than I remember. I'm looking forward to number three enriching our lives with some in the next few years.